


Heroes

by Loreley90



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Gen, Introspection, Pose - Freeform, ameliashepherd, superhero
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:07:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24361084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loreley90/pseuds/Loreley90
Summary: Amelia Shepherd is facing the most difficult surgery of her career, and this time she won't be the one holding the scalpel.
Kudos: 3





	Heroes

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Italiano available: [Heroes (IT)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24361243) by [Loreley90](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loreley90/pseuds/Loreley90)



> Inspired by the superhero pose and with Heroes by David Bowie in my head... it’s just an experiment to try to look at things from Amelia’s POV, trying to figure it out which could be her emotions and feelings before her surgery.  
> I’m Italian, so I apologise if you find mistakes in the translation...  
> If you want to leave a comment, I’d be happy! 😊

_ “There's a scientific study that shows that if you stand like this, in superhero pose, for just five minutes before a job interview or a big presentation or a really hard task, you will not only feel more confident, you will perform measurably better.” _

A tumor. A brain tumor. What are the chances that I, a successful neurosurgeon, would have a tumor the size of a peach in my head? God, I remember when I saw the images of the MRI, right after I finished having fun with Carina's “toys"... that was an amazing tumor, I couldn’t wait to operate on it... I'm one of the few who can face such a beast. But no, the tumor's in my brain and the first surgeon on my list of potential replacements is my brother... my talented, charismatic dead brother. And so I called Tom... the pompous, arrogant, self-centered Tom Koracick, still convinced that my ability is all due to him and his teachings. Oh, I hate him, but above all I hate that he's the best for the surgery. But that's how it is.

But just so we’re clear, the most ironic thing is that this changes everything... all my decisions, the person I've been in the last few years, the life I've built and the relationships I couldn't maintain... was it all my fault or the tumor's? My impulsiveness… was the tumor talking? I've done some incredible things in the O. R., surgeries for which they call myself crazy just for trying to. Maybe I really was. I certainly have been with Nicole Herman. Damn, that was one hell of a tumor. “That's it? It makes you look fierce” Maggie tells me, seeing the little scalp I got on the side of my head in preparation for surgery.

After saying good-bye to everyone, it's finally time to go into surgery. I distinctly hear De Luca and the nurse unlock the wheels of the bed and, together with it, a slight jolt goes through my whole body. I've always waited for patients to come to me in the O.R., tried to know as little as possible about them before surgery, to focus only on medicine... my life is messy enough to bring other people's messes into my operating room.

I hear a door open and above me I see a dark blue ceiling, darker than the corridor one. I think this is it. I know it for sure when I turn around and see the closets with all the sterile material… that order, that organization reassures me. To be crazy, crazy like me, to do extraordinary things, you need to rely on a sort of order that governs everything else and makes it easy to do what is not.

I know Tom have probably selected for my surgery a playlist with songs from bands that anyone would be ashamed to admit to listening to: something singable, that makes you laugh, absolutely out of place given the situation, something like the Beach Boys. Yeah, I'd say they could be the soundtrack to the surgery… just hope I don't die. I'd rather be bothered to die while the notes of the Beach Boys resonate. What kind of an ending is that? It would take something epic, something with a big impact. 

Oh yes, I'm definitely thinking about what may seem like the worst case possibility for many people, but in this case it's not: when you undergo brain surgery, the problem many times is not to risk dying, but how would you wake up. Will I be able to do what I was doing before? Or will I remain a vegetable? Will I still be the person I was before I went into that room?

There's no way to know, he's never in this situation! I need all my strength to face this challenge… and my ritual. We surgeons are men and women of science, but we are also absolutely, shamefully, irremediably superstitious: a lucky scrub cap, a quote… ah when I think about how much I used to make fun of my brother when he said “It's a good day to save lives". I thought it was so pompous to start the surgery with a sentence that took the positive outcome for granted. I, on the other hand, have always known that I must elevate myself, that I must try to give the best of myself and if possible something more. Hence, from this thought, the choice of the superhero pose. I put my hands on my hips, feeling the strength and adrenaline flow through my veins... I raise my chin, as if to remind myself that I have to be brave, that I aim for excellence… I take a deep breath, my chest swollen and ready to face the challenge.

I've done it many times, but this time I'm not in the pre-op room: there's the whole staff repeating this pose with me. I want to feel like a superhero, I want them to feel like superheroes, to save the life on the table today, to save me. 

And maybe we can be heroes... just for one day.


End file.
